A Single Step...

When I first sat down at the Pt desk I was asked, “Why? Why did I want this, why now?”  I had all these answers that were all in all part true; I want this for me, I want to be stronger, I want to be a good influence for my kids, I want to learn how to exercise, I want to be able to do a pull up,one freaking pull up.  The trainer kept asking me, “but why, okay then, well why?” I told him if he asked me “Why” one more time I might just punch him in the face or cry. 

Bottom line, I have struggled with my weight my entire life.  (Except for maybe when I hit my middle school growth spurt and was taller than all the boys.)  I have always been told that “Oh, you’re just big boned,” and I guess I learned to except that.  Sure, I lost 20lbs in college and managed to lose the baby weight after both pregnancies.  But I was overweight to begin with.  I wasn’t fully happy with myself from a physical standpoint and wasn’t who I needed to be in order to keep up with my kids.  I finally realized I wanted more for myself and I owed it to myself to focus on me; for me and for my family.    I owed it to all of us to change the way we eat and focus on our health.

Hence, I started personal training in December 2015 with Johnnie.  Personal Training has changed my life.  I was the person who was intimidated by all the machines.  I knew how to do cardio, that was my comfort zone. However, after starting PT my whole perspective changed.  I became curious about everything, wanted to learn everything and soak it all up.  Even though things would be hard, I loved it. I loved how it made me feel and knew it was worth it.  Johnnie pushed me and challenged me; he definitely got me out of my comfort zone.  He said thats where the magic happens!  He also encouraged me to do metabolic testing right before the 90 day challenge started.  So I signed up and met James.  I was a little more than nervous because, “I don’t run”. However, James was extremely encouraging and helped me understand my heart rate zones and what I needed to do as far as training went. Now, here I am at the end of the 90 day challenge and I look forward to my runs from him.  Are they challenging? Yes, but are they worth it? Absolutely. And I learned I can run after all!  

I know that my journey is just beginning and I couldn’t be more excited about that.  I want to be the best me I can be; I want to inspire others.  Because if I can do it, then anyone is capable.  I’ve learned so much; about health, nutrition, fitness, you name it. Most of all I’ve learned that health is not about the weight you lose, but the life you gain.  Even though, this started out as a weight loss journey for me, it has become so much more.  I have found an inner strength and confidence that I didn't know existed.  This journey has made me stronger, in so many more ways than just physical and for that I am grateful.  Its helped me throw the scale away and be proud of my accomplishments no matter what the numbers indicate.  It has taught me that it’s not about being perfect but putting forth the effort every single day.  It all starts with a step, one single step! 

So thank you Lifetime Fitness!  Thank you Johnnie Walker for pushing me, challenging me, and fighting for me.  Thank you James Hamill for working with me, always being so positive and encouraging, and kicking my butt with those treadmill runs, and thanks to Jonathan Meyer for asking me “Why?”, after all you helped spark the flame!

Lately...

 We have been super busy in this household the past month.  I started back at work January 2nd, Jong's been busy with his restaurant, and Miss Kensleigh is just a growing.

Going back to work was hard-I'm not going to lie.  Luckily, I have a support system in place.  One of my dear friends started back a little before me and it's definitely helped to have her to talk to.  We like to call ourselves the "working milk mommas".  Now  thats because we both read a book called The Milk Memos.  Its about a group of moms who work at IBM and their experiences going back to work and nursing.  I truly recommend it to anyone working/nursing.  I think I even cried a little when I finished the book because I felt like I had gotten to know these women and now that I finished it I wouldn't have them to encourage me.  There are good days and bad days.  Days I am glad to be going to work and days I feel guilty for not being at home.  But I am doing a great work and cannot come down-Nehemiah 6:3 And this is where I need to be at the moment.

Jong and I found a wonderful nanny for Kensleigh.  I couldn't be happier with her.  We both felt strongly about  keeping Kensleigh in her environment and after much discussion and a few interviews we met Katie.  And it was truly a Godsend. You know how you "just know" sometimes?  Thats how we felt about her.  I can't really explain it, but we both had a feeling and went with it and we welcomed Katie into our lives.  How our schedule plays out (since neither of us has a traditional 8-5 job) we are able to be with her most of the week and then Katie keeps her about 3 days, so it works out really well.

And then Little Miss Kens (as I like to call her) just keeps on growing.  She was 13.7lbs  (40%) and 26" long (90%) at her 4month checkup.  She is doing really good.  Just as happy as can be.  She is sleeping around 11 hours at night, can roll over both ways, and is just a joy to be around.  My favorite is walking into her room in the mornings when I hear her talking to herself and she just looks at me and smiles the biggest smile and squeals in delight.  Oh, how children change your world.  Just precious.  You almost wonder how you lived with out them and then you think, well you just slept a lot more.

Here's some of my favorite pictures lately and I promise I will try to blog a little bit more.

Kensleigh 4 months- January 18th 2012

Deep in thought...

Snuggled up napping...

Little Miss Diva taking a walk with Katie

Kensleigh and Dee Dee

Kendall and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day....

I mean do you ever feel like you just have one of those days?


Yesterday was one of those for me.  I think I may have broken down in tears like 20 times just due to stress and if it wasn't  for the people around me, I might not have made it through the day.  So if you were one of those people yesterday, I truly appreciate your compassion and smiles and hard work!  And you know, it probably wasn't even as bad as some peoples terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  I mean I am truly blessed...I have a loving husband, family and friends, a job, a roof over my head, food on the table, and a precious little baby on the way... and I just have to remember that.  I also have to remember that everything rides on hope and faith just like this song states.  And even in the middle of the storm- HE is there and I just need to take a deep breath and breathe.


So I hope you enjoy this song, I heard it last night on the ride home from work and it just clicked....

Its a baby!

We're gonna have a baby!

So we went to the doctor this morning and it was confirmed we have a baby.  Just one (phew).... not that I was worried there were two or anything but supposedly Jong says twins run in his family and it was his generation to have them. (Maybe he was just trying to scar me?)

So the doctors appointment went great.  Except for the part where I couldn't use the cup provided to give them a urine sample.  Here I am trying so very hard and all I could think was that "they are going to think I made all this up" because I couldn't pee. (Which made me even more nervous).  For those of you who don't know me,  I've always had problems giving the doctors urine samples and I have also been told I have a super bladder. So put those two together and its a disaster... I know, I know,  i'm just going to have to get over it b/c now I will be doing it every 4 weeks, then every 2 weeks, then every week....oh well, I'll work on it.

I also must say that I love my doctor.  I have always been one of those people who have  dreaded that one appointment a year. But with this clinic and doctor they have been wonderful and I am so happy that I have found a practice I really like.

So on to the baby...everything looks great thus far.  I am 8 weeks along, which is what I calculated and our due date is October 4th.  We got to hear the heart beat this morning and I think it made the whole pregnancy all the more real.  Jong even got a little teary eyed. (I love him)

I haven't been "throw up" sick, which is good.  I have felt nauseous, especially when I am hungry, and I do get tired real easy.  They say the 1st trimester is the worst for all that and that I'll start to feel better and have more energy in my 2nd trimester. So I can't wait!  and I feel as if  i'm always hungry... I mean I guess thats normal?  But literally every 2 hours I need to eat something!

I go back to the doctor in 4 weeks and I'l keep you rovers posted on baby kim.....

Lots going on here....

I feel as if i've been neglecting my blog this week.  I  promise I am going to try and do better.  Just to throw in an excuse, I've had a lot on my mind lately. (Some things I'll share with you bloggers soon...)  But it's just been a really CRAZY long week!  Who's with me? and that pretty much sums it up!

Let's see I've worked all week  and then I've been sleeping when I come home because I'm so tired from running around there.  And then I've been slacking on my domestic duties too.  Poor Jong's actually been having to fold his own laundry.  I mean how sad is that?  Actually, it was kinda sweet.  I said before that I am the one who usually does all the laundry, etc.  But Jong, (knowing how tired I've been) sat and folded like 5 piles the other night.  I was truly grateful.

I mean can someone tell me how a women is suppose to juggle god/work/husband/family/friends/house chores/doggies/gym... I don't know how I manage to go to the grocery store some weeks. Sometimes its so overwhelming and I just want to curl up in my bed with a book-and thats what I've been doing this week and haven't felt the least bit bad about it.

I think I will try and be productive tonight and go to the gym with the hubs.  I know it will make me feel much better!